Discipline – possibly the easiest practice to value but simultaneously the most difficult to master [for me, of course].
When I look back at times that I have been most fulfilled, I’ve possessed a lot of discipline – talking about a laser-focus on achieving a goal or set of goals.
Until my early 20s, I seemed to always have clear goals – make good grades, get into college with scholarships, graduate college, get a job. Anddddd I thrived.
I thought that taking a section of an SAT practice test every day for a year was normal – expected. That an “A” wasn’t enough – I needed the highest score in the classroom to feel proud. And, of course, becoming “president” of everything was crucial for my future [unknown] career.
I was a bundle of fun to hang with for sure.
Here’s the thing, I really thought that I was disciplined. I achieved goals through hard work. I made myself and others proud. I did everything to exceed the “bar” that I saw above me.
But what I didn’t realize was that the goals I was intent on achieving weren’t really my own. In many ways, they felt externally set. “My” bar was at the height that my sister, friends, family, etc. had placed it.
It’s a lot easier to practice discipline when you have clear goals and don’t have to develop them for yourself. Adopting a framework allows you to operate in a system with known rules, directions, and expectations.
Looking back, I did well achieving goals that I didn’t create and I failed miserably to meet objectives that I developed. Why? Because I failed to develop them in the first place.
It’s embarrassing to admit that, and frankly it’s taken awhile for me to realize that I am not the goal-setting, disciplined person that I thought I was for 20+ years.
In all fairness, there are real mental/emotional blocks that get in the way. I’m afraid I’ll set a goal for myself that I don’t know how to achieve. I’m paralyzed at the thought of venturing into the unknown without a map/guide – and no one’s path looks exactly like mine!
While real and reasonable, these feelings tend to excuse action… and, truly, there’s no one else to set goals for us.
We have to raise the bar for ourselves.
Otherwise? The bar will sit comfortably where it was when we graduated college, or law school, or high school, or med school, or trade school, or wherever the clear cut path dropped us off.
So here I am. Fumbling to understand how to become disciplined and set goals…in my late 20s. Not even talking about achieving them yet…
I’ve started small and set actionable goals in four categories of my life outside of work. Long-term and short-term. Sharing some short-term examples below:
- Physical (i.e. work out min. of 3 times a week)
- Financial (i.e. establish a monthly budget by spending category & commit – this month I’m spending money on food and gas, regardless of how great the N sale is…)
- Relational (i.e. respond to text/phone calls within 24 hours – this sounds dumb but if you know me, you know how bad I am at responding to…everything. I’m sorry. There is no excuse.)
- Spiritual (i.e. reserve time for prayer and reflection each day – no missed days)
I made a promise to myself to achieve these goals and that matters… mainly because becoming disciplined in every area of life starts small and intentional – all in an effort to build sustainable habits. My hope in making these goals bite-sized is that I’ll manage to keep 100% of them and momentum will build.
More importantly, these goals are mine – no one else’s. The bar is something that I need to work to raise each day, month, year, by the grace of God.
What are your goals, friend?
If you’re on this discipline journey too, here’s some encouragement from Brother Lawrence,
That we should not wonder if, in the beginning, we often failed in our endeavors, but that at last we should gain a habit, which will naturally produce its acts in us, without our care, and to our exceeding great delight.
nolkins 